You Live and Learn

I thought I was at a place with food where I could have anything in my house and not be tempted to pig out on it.  I thought that I was at peace with food and completely comfortable around it, however that may not be the case.

As I had been feeling so at ease with food recently, I decided to put a jar of Whole Earth Chocolate and Caramel spread, and a large bar of Lindt Orange Intense dark chocolate into my supermarket basket over the past couple of weeks.  I thought I could have these in my cupboards and eat them in moderation when I really wanted them, and leave them alone when I didn’t.  Not true.

Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been pigging out or binging on these items but I do find myself thinking about them a lot.  It also seems that the longer they are in the house, the larger my portions of them seem to be.  For example, I started portioning out two squares of chocolate to eat at a time but now I have progressed onto eating three squares.

I was starting to worry that my old binging tendencies were coming back but I don’t think this is the case at all.  I think I’m eating more of these items simply because they taste good and I like them.  I don’t think I’m really pigging out but am actually being normal.  Therefore I am not going to make a bold statement about never letting unhealthy foods into my house.  I don’t believe these are ‘trigger’ foods and even if they are what is wrong what that anyway?  Abolishing treats from the house is not going to achieve anything in the long run and will probably exacerbate any binging issues.  I want to be at peace with food and to do that I actually have to be exposed to food – all food.

Using my love of science quotes I will bust out a bit of Newton’s Theory of Relativity: ‘for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’.  This is how I think in terms of restricting or controlling what I eat.  I know that if I restrict myself in any way [for example dieting or restricting which items I allow myself to bring into my home] after a while I will snap.  In taking part in the process of restriction [the action], I know that sooner or later the pressure will become too much and I will binge [the equal and opposite reaction].  As much as I would like to lose a few pounds, the thing I really don’t want is to binge.  My desire to be binge-free is much greater than my desire to be thin, so for now I have to do what is right for myself in trying to achieve this aim. 

That means I will be keeping the treats in the house [as opposed to throwing them out as I have done in the past!].  Not only will I be keeping these treats but I will also buy and bring home whatever other foods really take my fancy when I’m out shopping.  I will learn to eat them in a normal way and be comforted by the fact that I know I can have them any time that I like.

Besides, I am making major inroads into how I think about food and eating.  For the past twelve months I have eaten to the point of fullness.  I know this isn’t necessarily the ‘right’ way to eat, but I took comfort in knowing [and proving to myself] that I could eat whatever and whenever I liked.  It was great to step off the rollercoaster of restricting and binging.  Over the past few weeks I have noticed that I don’t like to feel so full any more.  I proved to myself that food was available whenever I needed it and now eating doesn’t feel so urgent any more.  These days I like to feel lighter in my stomach and therefore don’t feel the need to eat such large portions.  I also don’t fear hunger either - yes, it’s uncomfortable for a short period but it’s not an emergency.  Nothing bad will happen if I have to wait for food.

I hope that the combination of my new found level of satiety coupled with knowing that I can eat anything I like will really help me kick binging to the curb once and for all.  I might also lose a few pounds along the way.  Who knows?  But I refuse to go back to dieting and will never let sweets leave my life. 

Top Tips for a Healthier Diet

I am not going to attempt to define what healthy eating means because I honestly believe that it means different things to different people.  My idea of healthy is most probably very different to yours. I do however believe it is important that people understand that healthy eating is not “a diet”.  It is not something that is undertaken to lose weight.  It is not about calorie counting, weekly weigh-ins or suppressing desires to eat.  Yes, eating well will help you lose weight if that is your goal but that doesn’t mean that healthy eating should be undertaken only by those wishing to shift a few pounds.  Everyone can benefit from eating well and I feel that sometimes this message is lost.  The more you learn about what healthy eating actually means, the more the calories will count themselves!

So, if you are interested in eating a healthier diet follow these tips which will help you on your way.  Of course, I am not an expert but this is what works for me.

Set yourself up for success

Make gradual changes over time.  Trying to overhaul your diet in 24 hours isn’t smart and isn’t likely to succeed.  An all or nothing approach is not required.  Instead make small changes; for example, aim to change one thing per week.  In the first week you could replace your afternoon chocolate bar with a banana and one square of dark chocolate, or replace your packet of fried potato crisps at lunchtime with carrot sticks and houmous.  The following week you could change something else and so on.  As your small changes become habit, your diet will become healthier over time.

Moderation is key

Healthy eating is not an all or nothing proposition.  So try not to categorise food into ‘good’ and ‘bad’.  All food is fine to eat.  It’s the balance that is key.  So, if you are drawn towards sweet, salty or fast foods simply aim to reduce the portion size or not eat them as often.  There is no need to abstain completely.  If you currently enjoy a full size chocolate bar everyday, then replace it with two squares of really good quality chocolate.  If you like to have fast food several times a week, instead save it as a once a week treat. 

Fill up on fruit and vegetables

Fruit and vegetables are the foundation of a healthy diet.  They are low in calories and nutrient dense, so generally the more you eat the better.  Make them part of every meal and your first choice for a snack; aim to eat your five a day.  All fruit and vegetables are good foods to eat but for maximum variety and nutrients try to ‘eat the rainbow’, which just means eating as many different coloured fruit and vegetables as possible.

Limit sugar, salt and refined grains

Plan your diet around fruit, vegetables, wholegrains, protein and good fats.  This will mean that you naturally cut back your consumption of the less healthy stuff.  Some good tips to reduce the amount of sugar, salt and refined grains you eat would be to replace sugary snacks with fruit, cook meals from scratch so you can control the salt content and swap white carbohydrates for brown ones: replace white bread with wholemeal, white rice with brown rice.  For every white grain in existence, there will be a healthier (tastier!) wholegrain version.

Plan your meals

Eating on the go can wreck your healthy eating intentions.  If you are short on time and options, then it is unlikely you are going to eat as healthily as you could.  Healthy eating starts with great planning.  So write a food plan for the week, stock up on what you need and cook meals when you get the chance.  If you only have time to cook on the weekends, then only cook on the weekends!  Most meals can be cooked and then frozen to make your own healthy ready meals.  Similarly if you are planning on having a few salads, then it is easy to chop up the vegetables and store them in containers in the fridge until you are ready to use them.

One step at a time

Making small changes over time really is the best way to improve your diet.  Remember that healthy eating is not about dieting, deprivation and consuming only fruit and vegetables.  Similarly, it is not about protein powder, kombucha or chia seeds.  Healthy eating is not about going to extremes or spending money on expensive foods or supplements.  Yes, being healthy requires consistency but simply making one healthy choice at a time is enough. 

Remember, a diet is something you have, not something you are on.

Back to Blogging

Hello – long time no speak!I have been pretty busy recently hence the lack of updates.  I went to Plymouth for a couple of days to attend a funeral and I went to London yesterday with the husband for a nice day out. 

To get you up to speed with my workouts, I can tell you that I haven’t really done anything so far this week.  Besides my two workouts last week, I also managed another two runs.

I did a nice three mile run on Friday.Mile 1: 8.39 min/mile

Mile 2: 8:34 min/mile

Mile 3: 8.23 min.mile

Total time: 25:59 minutes [I did a little bit over the three miles which is why the time doesn’t quite add up].

It was a really good run – all miles were around the 8.30 minute/mark and negative splits to boot!  This was really speedy for me.  I usually get at least one mile during a run at a sub-9.00 minute mile pace, but I have never managed to get every mile at a fast pace – until now.  I am really quite impressed with myself, especially as I didn’t actually check my Garmin once during the run.  I just went all out and looked at my stats at the end.  It felt good but I was knackered at the end.

On Saturday I did a five mile run.  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do any exercise on Sunday and Monday due to travelling, so I decided to run two days in a row.  As I am prone to shin splints this is something I never do but luckily it worked out fine and I didn’t have any problems.

This run was a little slower than my last run but still respectable for me.

Mile 1: 9.21 min/mile

Mile 2: 9.09 min/mile

Mile 3: 8.48 min/mile

Mile 4: 9.26 min/mile

Mile 5: 8.57 min/mile

Total time: 45:44 minutes [I did a little bit over the five miles which is why the time doesn’t quite add up].

My pace was all over the place with this run.  I blame the fact that I was tired from running the day before, I started to get a stitch at mile 4 and it was hot.  I’ll take it though. 

Food-wise I have been doing pretty well.  Usually being away from home is a bit of a trigger for me to overeat but I’ve been okay.  Travelling on Sunday, I ate according to my appetite and only had healthy food.  Monday, I was again successful at eating for my appetite although I did end the day with some Reeces Peanut Butter cups – yum!

On Tuesday [yesterday], I ate pretty healthily and would only consider the scoop of Ben & Jerry’s low fat frozen yoghurt I had as being not so healthy.  However, I think I overate.  I was doing well all day, eating mostly healthy stuff and not feeling full but after I ate dinner I felt stuffed.  It was a big healthy plate of vegetable mezze from Whole Foods but there must have been too much of it.  I didn’t get the bloated, stomach gurgling feeling I usually get from binges and when I woke up this morning I felt hungry, as opposed to sick or bloated, so perhaps it wasn’t so bad.  I don’t know.  I do know that I seem to have developed a new stretch mark patch on my stomach though – what joy! 

I am off work for the rest of the week, so my goal is to get some exercise [I’m thinking a six mile run both today and Friday and an eight mile run on Sunday] but it will have to be flexible to accommodate any trips or days out that we may do.  I am also trying to be mindful of how much I eat and to not over do it.  I am really trying hard not to overeat and that is my main focus at the moment.

My Thoughts on Food Blogging

So, does anyone remember the Marie Claire article ‘The Hunger Diaries’?  I do.  In fact, since it was written in October 2010 I haven’t been able to get it off my mind.  Before I write any more, I would like to point out that I am aware that the article was unprofessionally written in the way that it singled out six specific bloggers and provided a very one-sided commentary.  I also appreciate the irony of a magazine who regularly uses underweight models, extensive airbrushing and is an avid promoter of ‘quick-fix’ diets, commenting on the ‘healthy living’ blog phenomenon.  However, I think it still raised some issues that should be discussed.

When I first read the article I was appalled and immediately rallied round the mentioned bloggers to show my support.  I was upset and angry that someone had attacked a community that I found to be positive and inspiring.  I showed the article to my husband but I was not prepared for his response – he completely agreed with it.  This took me by surprise but it also made me realise that, as with most things, it is all a matter of perspective.  For me – someone who was already obsessed with food, exercise and body image – I didn’t see anything abnormal in posting a daily food and exercise diary.  In all honesty I needed to hear what these women had to say about food because my relationship with it was a bit skewed.  I liked the fact that they ate a seemingly normal amount because it meant that I was not abnormal for having an appetite. 

It should always be remembered that the ‘healthy living’ blog community is a very insular society; the people in it are not the ones who are best equipped to determine whether the behaviour exhibited is normal.  Firstly, there is a natural bias – a tendency to defend things that you put time and effort into.  Secondly, the people who write and read these blogs most likely don’t have a normal relationship with food because if they did they probably wouldn’t be reading these blogs. 

As an outsider, my husband was able to see that blogging about everything you eat and posting it for the world to see – and comment on – is not normal behaviour.  Whether any bloggers have an eating disorder is not for anyone to say, and from what I have seen of the so-called ‘Big Six’ I would conclude they probably don’t.  That isn’t to say though that their blogs and others don’t exhibit disordered behaviour; taking pictures of your food is in itself not normal and implies an unhealthy obsession with what you are eating. 

Since the article was written it is like I have had the blinkers removed and I can suddenly see things that I couldn’t see before – the repetitive meals comprised of practically the same things every day, the small serving plates, talk of binges and an ‘out of control’ sweet tooth, eating half of a dessert, eating only the frosting from cake, taking ‘bites’ of unhealthy food, food sabotage, eating small meals when they haven’t exercised that day……the list goes on.  Is this disordered eating?  Amazing willpower?  Orthorexia?  And what about me?  Am I a failure then if I eat a variety of foods week in and week out, or if I eat the entire cupcake and not just the frosting?  Am I less healthy?  Should I try harder?  These are the questions that are raised in my mind by reading these blogs, so I think it is safe to say that reading about other people’s daily food and exercise habits over and over again can be triggering. 

Apparently this is where ‘reader responsibility’ comes in.  If I am triggered by these blogs I am supposed to just delete them from my Google Reader and move on.  However, things aren’t that simple.  What if I don’t know I am being triggered by them?  Let’s not forget that they are packaged as being all about healthy living, so if I don’t read them any more doesn’t that mean I am giving up on being healthy?  I think this is where the line is blurred and why it isn’t always easy to just give up reading blogs.  Placing the emphasis on the reader is also kind of lazy.  The blogger then has free rein to talk about anything they wish without giving a second thought to the audience and how it might affect them.  Surely, the responsibility should at least be shared?

I think the line is further blurred when bloggers become brands, who are endorsed by companies and offered book deals.  Not only does this place greater pressure on them to be healthy but it must also, in their own minds and in the minds of their readers, link being healthy and slim with success.

Do you want to know another conclusion I have reached about healthy living blogs?  The message portrayed is actually exactly the same as that of the magazines – that being slim equals being happy.  Think about it, how many blogs feature an ‘About’ page that details the bloggers’ weight-loss journey?  They say how they were overweight and unhappy, lost some weight and now being slim and healthy is the best thing they ever did and they are so much happier than they were before.  Isn’t the thin equals happy message the exact one that magazines try to promote? 

Magazines often post brief articles featuring a low calorie diet and exercise regime to ‘Get the Body of Your Dreams’, but blogs do exactly the same thing.  In fact blogs take it one step further, listing everything that is eaten and all exercise that is done over the course of a long period of time, with multiple postings per day.  The underlying message on blogs is that if you do as I do, you will look as I look.  In most cases, and most certainly with the ‘Big Six’, this is slim.

In summary, I don’t think that healthy living blogs are necessarily healthy or unhealthy.  However, I do think it is important that as readers we are careful about the media that we consume and don’t go into anything blindly.  It was only after reading the article that I was able to look more objectively at these blogs and would encourage all readers to do the same.

Getting Back to My Roots

Do you know what? 

Food blogging is boring.

Wanting to lose weight is boring.

Fighting my sweet tooth is boring.

Thinking I have to eat vegetables is boring.

I want my life to be fun.  Exciting.  Challenging. Rewarding. 

Not boring.  Definitely not boring.  A boring life is a life half lived.

So I will not be posting my daily food intake any more.

I will not be whining about wanting to lose weight any more.

Instead I will be living my life.  The way I want to.  Without giving a damn what bloggers are doing or what they would think of my choices.  Want to eat spinach in your smoothie?  Knock yourself out.  Personally, I’d rather eat it on a plate with olive oil, lemon juice, fresh herbs, olives and feta.  Call me crazy but I think it tastes better that way.

I don’t care if I really should lose ten pounds.  I’m not planning on wearing a bathing suit any time soon, so really, who cares?  Not me.  To anyone who thinks I’m fat – shame on you.

I care more about good chocolate.  Heck, who am I kidding, I’ll even eat not-so-good-and-probably-contains-a-bagillion-awful-ingredients-that-only-an-idiot-would-consume chocolate.  I’m not fussy.

I care about vegetables.  I adore vegetables.  I just don’t want to feel like I absolutely have to eat them.  Know what I mean?

Against my better judgement and inner lazy girl, I also care about running.  Weird.

So what the heck is this blog going to be about then?  Who knows.  Perhaps more posts like this and this, and fewer posts like this.  Whatever I feel like writing about at the time I suppose.  Food.  Fitness.  Life.  The usual but without placing rules on myself.  If I want to eat a cupcake, I’ll eat a damn cupcake thank you very much.  I don’t need to feel guilty about it.

Active Recovery and My Love of Chocolate

There is only one word to describe how my body is feeling today - stiff!  I definitely pushed myself during my ten mile run yesterday and I can feel it in every part of my legs.  Sitting down at my desk job all day didn’t help either, and by the time I finished work my muscles felt really tight.

Obviously after such a tough workout yesterday, I had designated today as a rest day.  However, as my legs were feeling tight I thought some light walking might help to loosen them up a bit.  So instead of getting the bus the whole way home, I got off about two miles away and walked the rest of the route.  It felt really good to get my legs moving and the blood flowing.  I also did some light stretches when I got home.  I am a great believer in active recovery and hope that the walking and stretching will help to relieve the tightness.  I would like to do a short run tomorrow but I need to see how my legs are feeling before I can commit – ten miles is unchartered territory for me and I need to see how my body reacts to such longs runs.

With regards to my food I am still eating pretty healthily.  It isn’t perfect but it is definitely in the desired 80:20 ballpark, which is fine as I could never be a perfect eater.  I do sometimes think it would be nice to be somebody who never gets a craving for chocolate, cakes and candy but unfortunately that is just not me.

Case in point, I craved chocolate today.  I could have just rode the craving out, ignored it and eventually it would have gone away.  However, I gave in and ate a Cadbury’s Dairy Milk after work.  Now I know that in the grand scheme of things one chocolate bar every once in a while is fine but I always feel a slight sense of failure when I eat treat foods.  I know it is ridiculous to feel this way because after all, no single food is unhealthy, and what really matters is the balance and variety of the overall diet.  I suppose it is hard not to feel a bit guilty when you read so many healthy living blogs whose writers never seem to have such cravings.  It makes me think that if I didn’t give in to my cravings for sweet treats then eventually I would stop craving them.

There is no need to dwell on it though.  On a positive note, it didn’t lead to a binge and I haven’t overeaten in ages so I feel I’m doing well.  I don’t think I should try and suppress my desire for sweets because that will most likely backfire so I am going to continue to eat them mindfully and only when I really want them, which seems like a good compromise to me.

Fuelling the Long Run

This morning I had one objective – to complete a long run.  I was aiming for eight miles and wanted to set myself up for success.  I know from my last long run that without fuel and water I start to flag and lose energy, so today I decided to try and fuel my run.  Whilst at the supermarket yesterday I picked up a bottle of Lucozade Sport to see if it would help.  The run itself went reasonably well.  It was pretty much plain sailing for the first six miles.  I went up some hills, down some hills and generally trudged along.  I sipped the Lucozade every couple of miles to give me a boost.  Things were going so well that at mile six I decided to commit to completing ten miles instead of eight, but then things started to get difficult.  Out of nowhere my legs seemed to get really tired and I could also feel a cramp starting to develop in my right side.  This didn’t bode well for the remaining four miles.  However, I did not want to stop and was really determined to complete the distance.

I decided to just carry on and if things got really bad I would stop.  It seemed like a reasonable plan to me.  I carried on for the next two miles and everything was fine.  My legs were flagging but the cramp never fully developed so there was no reason not to carry on.

At mile eight I was pretty much spent.  I really wanted to stop but was motivated to continue for the next two miles so that I could be a double digit runner.  Those last two miles were hard.  I was pretty much checking my Garmin every half mile or so to see how much distance was still left to cover.  I repeated several mantra’s over and over – ‘pain is temporary, pride is forever’, ‘difficult is worth doing’ and ‘running is a mental sport [and I am insane!]’. 

Once I hit mile nine I knew I was going to be able to go the distance, but that last mile felt like it lasted forever.  I also felt like I might throw up but I was so close to finishing that I couldn’t stop now.  I persevered, carried on and slowly but surely saw the distance increase on my Garmin – 9.5 miles, 9.6 miles, 9.8 miles.  Then before I knew it I was done and had completed ten glorious miles.  I ran double digits and couldn’t be prouder.  This is something that I never thought I could do in a million years but I did it.

My mileage stats:

Mile 1: 09:36

Mile 2: 09:22

Mile 3: 09:33

Mile 4: 09:35

Mile 5: 09:45

Mile 6: 09:31

Mile 7: 09:44

Mile 8: 09:27

Mile 9: 09:35

Mile 10: 09:20

Total distance: 10 miles.

Total time: 1 hour 35 minutes and 36 seconds.

As well as fuelling during the run, I also made an effort to refuel afterwards.  I have heard that chocolate milk provides a great ratio of carbohydrates and protein to aid recovery so that’s what I went with.  It hit the spot and was so cool and refreshing, which was definitely welcome after a hot and sweaty run.

This was such a difficult run but I am glad that I didn’t give up when the going started to get tough.  I figured that it is the difficult runs that actually make me a stronger runner and if I gave up every time things got tough I would never achieve anything.  Running isn’t supposed to be easy and that is kind of why I like it – I like to do something that challenges me and to achieve goals that I set for myself.  Today, I exceeded my expectations of what I could do and I am pleased that I pushed through the pain.  I proved to myself that anything really is possible.

Run hard. Be strong. Think big!

Instead of giving you yet another recap of my food for the day, I thought I’d share a blog post from my old blog [I am still gutted I deleted it!].  Don’t think this means I have been eating unhealthily because I haven’t, I just don’t want this blog to be only a food blog.  After all, I love to write more than I love taking pictures of my food!

I remember back when I purchased my very first pair of running shoes, and more recently when I got my Garmin Forerunner 205, I started to contemplate the reasons why I now consider myself to be one of those crazy folk who call themselves ‘runners’.

Going the distance

When I first started running, five miles was a distance that I couldn’t even imagine ever being able to complete.  It was one of my goal distances.  A distance that meant I was fit and could really start to think of myself as being somebody who runs.  When I ran five miles for the first time I felt an enormous sense of achievement.  My longest run to date has been eight [very hard!] miles, and my goal is to get to ten!

Quote: It hurts up to a point and then it doesn’t get any worse – Ann Trason.

Whatever the weather

As a general rule I don’t *do* cold or wet weather.  When it’s miserable outside I head for my blanket.  But recently I have found myself heading for the streets to pound out some miles instead.  I may not run very far, or for very long in such weather conditions but to me just stepping foot outside the door proves that I am committed. 

Quote: There is no such thing as bad weather, just soft people – Bill Bowerman.

Glorious highs and crushing lows

Let’s face facts; running is hard.  It is no easier for me to run for 2 miles than it is to run 6.  It’s just that a shorter run is over and done with quicker!  Pushing to do a longer run takes a lot of determination and, most definitely, some pain.  There have been times when I’ve almost cried; times when I have most definitely used expletives; and occasionally, times when I even had to cheer myself on [outloud!].  These were hard times, but I pushed through them and when I finished I felt amazing.  As well as the physical high from running, I have also experienced a sense of enormous achievement from doing something that I never thought I would be able to do.

Quote: Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, "Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?" – Peter Maher.

The crack of Dawn

Generally I’m not one to spring straight out of bed in the morning.  I like to lay and be peaceful for a while before I contemplate having to get up.  However, when it comes to running I seem to break this rule.  There have been a lot of times over the past few months that I have got up early on the weekend and gone out running.  When the sun is shining and my trainers are calling, 6:00am no longer seems so early on a Sunday morning.  Well, not in the summer anyway; the winter is a whole other ball game.

Quote: I don’t think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups – Rita Rudner.

Anticipation

I actually look forward to running.  This was a big shock to me!  Since I started running, around April 2010, I have consistently gone out between 3 – 4 times per week and haven’t looked for an excuse not to workout.  I have looked forward to [and enjoyed] every single run.  There have been times when I’ve let the weather or a little injury keep me indoors but during these periods I have always wanted to get back outside.  I can honestly say that I have never stuck with any exercise for such a long period of time and with such consistency.  Exercise – 1, Laziness – 0!

Quote: I always loved running – it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs – Jesse Owens.

Taking all of this into consideration I now feel justified in calling myself a runner.  Sure, other people can run faster, and yes I have been overtaken by an *entire* running club in the past [the slow ones at the back and all!] but that doesn’t stop me being a runner. At the end of the day, I put my trainers on, get out there and shake my thing.  That’s all that matters. 

So I will lace up my running shoes and take to the streets with pride.  I think of myself as a runner and I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise.