As you may have noticed I haven't been blogging here over the past couple of months. The truth is that I just got tired of it. Not tired of blogging or writing per se, but tired of blogging about healthy living. I have been reading healthy living blogs consistently since around spring 2009 and attempting to blog about the topic in various guises with little success. What I have come to realise is that being passionate about health and fitness simply isn't part of who I am, and what I definitely do not want to produce is yet another cookie-cutter 'this is what I ate today' blog. If you want to see multiple pictures of smoothies in bowls or salad beasts then you have come to the wrong place; I just cannot get enthusiastic about photographing (or living almost entirely off of) fruit and vegetables.
Do I like to eat fruit and vegetables? Yes.
Do I like to work up a sweat? Yes.
Do I want to write about it? No.
As much as I hate to admit this, I actually think that very few healthy living blogs display what I would deem as healthy behaviour. In attempting to emulate the healthy diet and active lifestyle exhibited by these bloggers I ran myself into the ground. For most of this year I have been undereating and overexercising (based on calorific intake). I have felt tired and drained but above all I have felt annoyed. Annoyed that despite my best efforts to live like these bloggers, my body refused point blank to look like them. Despite feeling lethargic, hungry, being unable to sleep, developing IBS and losing my period - again - my body weight refused to drop by more than a few pounds. So I gave up. For the past couple of months I have taken all of the pressure off myself. I have attempted to eat when, what and how much of any food that my body desires. I have cut back on exercise and done only those activities which I really love doing. The most crucial change I have made though is to stop reading healthy living blogs. I used to think these blogs were a helpful and motivating tool that would help me lead a healthier lifestyle, but what they actually turned out to be (at least for me) was one big comparison trap and I just couldn't ever measure up. How could I? Even when I am actively trying to live like them I still eat more, exercise less and weigh more than 95% of bloggers in this niche. The result of this is that I felt like a failure, which is hardly the motivation I was looking for.
So I stepped away from the community completely. It turns out that this was a very good decision. Away from the influence of healthy living blogs I was able to truly start listening to what my body wanted and needed from both food and exercise. I tried to put fears of weight gain to one side and started tuning in to what my body was asking for. It turns out that fruit and vegetables are what my body wants but not in huge quantities. The same is also true of exercise. My body likes things that aren't necessarily healthy too, such as chocolate and crisps which is completely fine. Regardless of what the media may try and tell us all food has value - everything contains fat, protein or carbohydrates therefore providing vital fuel for the body. Allowing myself to have what I want means there is no sense of urgency, desperation or feelings of failure when I eat something that is not necessarily deemed as being healthy. I eat it, I enjoy it and I move on.
Any fears I had of gorging on unprecedented amounts of junk once I opened up my diet were completely unfounded; I actually haven't binged or even overeaten once. Instead I have been satisfied and my body has thanked me for it. I feel so much better in myself; in short, I am happy. I also haven't gained a noticeable amount of weight which makes me believe that my body has settled at a weight which it is comfortable with. I dropped a few pounds when I started to push my body and I have regained that - but only that. I have not continued to gain and nor do I feel that I will.
My aim now is to continue down this road, which could I guess be called intuitive eating. I prefer however, just to refer to it as 'being normal'. I want to eat when I am hungry, stop when I am satisfied, have what I truly want and move a little each day. It really is that simple.
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